File photo
It is common and quite normal for men and women to feel as if they
are being left behind when others around them are getting married or
entering into long-term relationships.
In some ways, people, especially young people, put pressure on
themselves to achieve certain things in order to feel they have arrived
or have accomplished something.
When a marriage or long-term relationship isn’t happening, this
chips away at self-worth even though it shouldn’t. It’s that feeling of
not being able to achieve something tangible in your relationship.
If you feel like these feelings speak to you, here are some tips on
how to cope when everyone around you is getting engaged or married and
you are still single.
Everyone comes to the table with a different story to tell and
perhaps your story is completely different. Different stories result in
different endings. This doesn’t mean that you are any less than the
person who is getting engaged and seeming to be living a good life.
Know that you are not feeling this way alone
It’s really hard feeling like you are the one who’s being left out,
that your life is standing still while everyone else’s seems to be
moving on.
Perusing through Facebook and Instagram and seeing post after post
of shiny engagement ring photos can be really triggering, bringing up
feelings of jealousy, sadness and fear that this may not happen for you.
You might feel bitter or a bad friend for feeling this way, but
what you are going through is a very common experience and there are
many others out there feeling the same way.
Take care of yourself if you are feeling triggered
This may mean taking a break from social media for a while so you
don’t see all those engagement photos and wedding countdowns. It may
also mean not attending any more engagement parties or weddings; or
perhaps you will just need some solid escapist time with your favourite
show, where engagements are the last thing on your mind.
If your goal is to be married, take a critical look at how that can happen
If you are trying hard to date and meet people and feel like you
keep striking out, you must be clear about what a good partner looks
like and if you are a good partner.
Are you engaging in behaviour that is counter to creating a
long-term, lasting relationship? Perhaps your actions are mirroring
someone who needs to be in a relationship instead of wanting to be in
one, and you could be giving off the desperate vibe without even
realizing it.
Until you are truly comfortable on your own, you won’t be able to be in a lasting relationship.”
Remember that their good moments will not always be good
Although this may sound harsh and a bit bitter, it puts things back
in perspective. It isn’t your time to experience this good moment yet
but perhaps that is coming sometime in the future. The person getting
married will encounter some rough patches. It won’t all be positive.
That’s life.
Consider the alternative
Asking yourself some key questions may help you realize you are
better off single than with the wrong person. Do you think getting
married is going to solve some challenge you are struggling with like
your finances or helping you get away from your family? Are you ready
for a lifelong commitment?
Thinking about your answers, you might actually be grateful you are
still single and can focus on solving your own problems first and work
on finding the right person for you.
Channel those jealous feelings into something positive
Instead of letting those feelings of jealousy and sadness make you
resent others, go shopping or hit the gym and burn some calories. Use
those feelings as motivation to get actionable and get back in the
dating scene or work on how you date and do relationships.
Stay focused on the future
You can short-term one year and long-term two years concrete goals
focused on things you want to actively seek to accomplish while you are
single, free and focused.
Setting these goals keeps you accountable and focused while those around you are focused on their lives.
Stay focused on your life. In other words, enjoy the single years while you can, because one day, you won’t be anymore.
***************
Credits: Kate Halim for Daily Sun.
No comments:
Post a Comment